I cooked all day

I guess since I spent such a nice Mother's Day with my Mom, and getting our camper camp worthy, I had to do some penance the next day. 

Not really, I do enjoy cooking.  But, I tend to overdo it.  I guess that is like all things I do with food. (Insight gained)

Sunday I cooked, and cooked, and baked and dehydrated and cleaned and boiled and mashed (I think that is all).

I tried out a new recipe from http://marmaladeandmileposts.com/  for Cranberry Almond Protein Bars. 

I thought I had Almond butter in the pantry when I went shopping but it turned out all I had was organic Peanut Butter.  Close enough in my book.

Here is the link to the original recipe

http://marmaladeandmileposts.com/archives/24202

Cranberry Almond Protein Bars

Author: Carrie Brown | www.carriebrown.com

Prep time:  30 mins

Cook time:  12 hours

Total time:  12 hours 30 mins

Serves: 10

Ingredients

• ½ cup / 4 fl oz. almond butter, creamy unsalted (I used organic Peanut Butter)
• ¼ tsp almond extract
• ⅓ cup / 3 fl oz. COLD water
• 11 oz. / 310g vanilla whey protein powder (I used rice protein, more on this later)
• 1 TBSP chia seeds
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp guar gum
• 1½ oz. / 40g flaked almonds
• 2 oz. / 55g dried cranberries, finely chopped

Instructions

1. In a bowl, using a hand mixer or blender, mix the almond butter, almond extract and cold water together until completely mixed. This takes several minutes.
2. In another bowl, add the whey powder, salt, guar gum, and chia seeds and mix well.
3. Crush the flaked almonds in your hands and add them to the dry ingredients.
4. Add the finely chopped dried cranberries and rub them through the dry ingredients with your fingers to separate them.
5. Add the dry ingredients to the almond butter mixture and stir until it has formed a dry dough.
6. Turn the dough on to a surface and knead the last of the dry ingredients in until you have a smooth, shiny dough. It will be slightly sticky.
7. Wrap the dough in plastic and leave to rest for an hour.
8. Roll the dough out to ¼ inch thick and cut into bars.
9. You will need to use a sharp knife to slide under each bar to get them off the surface you rolled them out on.
10. Carefully move each bar to a flat plate or board.
11. Leave the bars to dry for 12 hours. Every 30 minutes or so, using a sharp knife to pick them up, turn each bar over. This helps the bars to dry evenly.
12. After 12 hours the bars will have firmed up considerably and formed a 'crust', making them easy to pick up with your fingers.
13. Wrap each bar in parchment paper or store in an air-tight container with parchment paper between the layers.

I followed the instructions, using peanut butter for almond butter pretty much to the letter until I got to the protein powder (I know, WOW, all the way to step two!).  I have been working with a nutritionist and she has taken me off dairy and as I was about to scoop 310g of my tasty delicious Pea protein powder into the bowl on the scale I realized something.  That was a lot of powder and I paid a lot of money for this Pea Protein, and most importantly I like the taste of it.  I had a three pound jar of Rice Protein sitting on the counter mocking me with it's grittiness and lack of flavor and I decided right then and there that I was going to alter the recipe further.  I grabbed that silly Rice Protein and put it in the pot.  I added some vanilla extract and four packets of stevia (note to self and others attempting to replicate this, try 6-8 packets next time).

Gritty, but useful.

At $20 per pound, I just
couldn't see cooking with
this when there were
alternatives available.

Then I made it all the way to step five.  The dry ingredients just were too much for my meager wet ingredients, so I slowly started adding more water, and more water, and more water.  A whole extra cup of water actually when it came down to it.  Then it rested (but I didn't, I made two meatloaves while this rested).

Shhh! It is resting

I rolled the dough out on parchment paper with plastic wrap over it to avoid sullying my grandmothers wonderful rolling pin and cut them and laid them out as instructed.

I tried to turn them every half hour, I really did, but alas, it was not to be.  So I looked to my handy dandy food dehydrator for help, and by the end of the night I had dried, wonderfully crispy bars.  I let them sit out overnight because I was too lazy to do anything else with them.  

Then next morning though I wrapped them in parchment paper and then put them in a zip-top bag.

In their dehydrated deliciousness.

I tried my first one at work the next day when I was too busy for a sit down lunch, and they were a little dull tasting.  They could have used a little more salt too. But, very filling.  I thankfully though have no desire to binge on them the way they are now.  Maybe when I perfect the recipe but they are so filling, I thing three would cause me physical pain.

The rest of the day was a blur of salad prepping, Swiss Chard sauteing, potato and green bean boiling, cookie baking and veggie roasting.  I loved it all!

Back to work, week 1

I did it!  I made it through my first week back at work.  I am so glad I listened to my charge nurse when she suggested I start back with three eights instead of one eight and two twelves like I usually work.  The leg held up remarkable well, considering.   I felt twinges of pain when pushing heavy beds or walking backwards but with a little rest and elevation I recovered fairly quickly.
The funny thing was whenever someone would see me with my leg elevated they would ask if I was comfortable.  I got so annoyed I finally started snapping at people, "No,  I'm not comfortable,  I have a blood clot."  That really shut some of them up.   I live the look on a doctors face when they just realized they upset a sick person.
I didn't realize how much I missed my coworkers while I was gone.   I got a lot of hugs,  and welcome back Heather's.  It was really nice.
This Saturday we headed I to New Braunfels to spend some time with my mom for Mother's day.   It was really nice and wound up talking them into desert at the gluten free bakery.   I actually asked of they would let me work there on a volunteer basis.   I would love to work in a bakery because I know I would lose my appetite and lose weight like crazy.  Maybe I should look for a local bakery to start working for on my days off.   I think if I could combine baking,  cooking and writing I would have the perfect career.   To that effect look out for more recipe blogs posts in my near future.

Going back to work

Oh my God!  I am going back to work tomorrow! 
It has been six weeks since my blood clot and it is time to get back to normal,  or at least as close to normal as I can get. I  both excited and nervous. 

I hope I will have the energy I need to get through the day.  I hope my coworkers will really be happy to have me back.  I am so far off my routine I don't even know what I will pack for lunches now that I am gluten and dairy free.

Plus things have really changed there since I left.  I mean physically when I went to turn in my paperwork last week I needed a tour to find things.

I have really enjoyed the last three weeks of this sick leave and part off me wishes I could stay home and be a housewife forever, but alas that is not to be for me.

So Hi Ho Hi Ho,  it is off to work I go.

This is going to hurt a little

That is what I realized as I started my walk Monday morning.  I am still recovering from this latest blood clot and I am impatient to be well.  I went for a walk Friday and it wore me smooth out and I still feel the soreness in my arms and legs.   Not really sure why I feel it in my arms,  but anyway.  

So I decided that since I am going back to work next week I really need to kick it into gear and get moving. That launched me into a whirlwind of activity this week.  As I sit at the computer this Friday morning I have weeded and planted 50 strawberry plants and spread 12 cubic feet of garden soil in the side garden.  I weeded, mowed, tilled, raked and planted my big garden (something I haven't taken the time to do in two years so imagine. I also weeded the side planter by the house, fertilized the figlets, baked a million cookies for my husband's co-workers, baked 24 breakfast sandwiches for my husband and did the laundry.  That is more than I have done in a single month prior to this injury.

As I was walking Monday I started thinking about the pain I was sure to have in my leg by taking this walk.  In my career as a nurse I have said "This is going to hurt a little" so many times.  But, I always have the intention of helping the patient heal when I am causing that pain.  Why am I unwilling to go through the little bit of pain I expect my patients to endure so that I can heal?  I need to be willing to feel the pain, and do it anyway.  I think I have this week and it makes me feel great.  I am starting to feel like the person I was before the first blood clot. The person that got down to 135 pounds and could run like a real runner.  I want to be her again, but I can't remember her for some reason.   What did she feel that helped her do those things?  I need to find her, and it is going to hurt a little to bring her back.  But you know what? I know I can do it, and... I am actually looking forward to it a little.

About halfway through my walk, still a long road ahead of me.

But there is beauty among the pain.

Are you following me? Would you?

I am stepping outside my comfort zone and asking people to follow this blog.  WITHOUT EDITING PAST POSTS!!  Oh my God, what am I thinking?!?!

I am thinking that if I know people are reading, I will write.  If I write I will learn.  I like it when I learn.

See the process there?

I hope this works!  Hi new readers!

Don't slash your own tires

I was reminded of a lesson I learned this morning and I wanted to get it down here so I cloud maybe look back and not have to learn that lesson again.
People have a tendency to call making poor food choices, or having a binge episode as falling off the wagon.   Once you have fallen off that wagon it may be very difficult to get on it again. 
I don't know about you but I have never actually fallen off a wagon but I can imagine the difficulty getting back up.  First you are hurt by the fall,  you thought you were riding this thing so well. Then, the wagon keeps on moving workout you and it is up to you and your wounded little butt to catch up and get back where you belong.  Wouldn't it be easier to stay off that wagon and maybe catch the next one when it comes along.  If you do choose to wait for that wagon,  how do you explain why you aren't on the one you started off on any more.  If course there is no guarantee that there will be another wagon for you to get on, or how long you have to sit with your wounded pride until it comes along.
I don't like to think of it like that.  Jillian Michaels had a quote I love.  (Like her or hate her she had some real lessons you can learn of you listen close enough)  When you get a flat tire do you give up and slash the other three tires?  That is what you are doing if you have a moment of weakness, or whatever you want to call it, and decide that the day is ruined already so you might as well eat whatever you want.  I can't tell you the number of times I have thought,  "I have blown it already so the day is wasted and I might as well eat the cake,  or chocolate,  or candy."
Of course if you get a flat tire on your car,  you get out, assess the damage,  put the spare on and go about your day as close to your original plan as possible.  If there is damage you deal with it.  If there is a nail in the tire you get it fixed.  What was the nail in the tire that threw you off your eating wagon?  Was it stress,  sadness,  loneliness,  an intense emotion?  Deal with that problem.  Don't just put the tire back on without finding the cause or you will get another flat.   If you drove across a pile of nails that punctured the tire,  how can you avoid that area the next time?  You don't get a flat tire because you did something wrong or because you are a bad person.  You don't choose to destroy you eating plan because you are flawed.  Fond out what went wrong and learn what to do about it for the next time.

Starting a new adventure - in Healing

Life throws adventures at us that we do not choose for ourselves.  I wish I could choose my own adventure, and while that is possible I do not get to choose them all.  Now I am starting the adventure of recovering from my second blood clot before the age of 40.  

I now have to change from the woman who was planning to walk a half marathon, to the woman that is planning to walk around the block again some day.  I can't do that yet, I can walk to the mailbox though.  I can go a little farther even.  I am learning my limits, and I hate it.  Tell me what not to do and I ask why, if I don't like your reasons I push back.  I don't like the reason I can't walk like I used to and I really want to push back.  I know that would be bad though so I am trying not to.
I am working with my doctors and my nutritionist and I will get better.  I want to try to log my progress here with this forum.  I have heard many stories of people starting a blog and changing their lives.  I want to change my life.  I have gained and lost so much weight and if you ask me how I did it, or what I ate, I couldn't tell you.  I hope that by logging it here I will be able to look through my past and remember the lessons I learned so that I will not have to keep re-learning them.
My lessons I remember for now.
1. Nobody is going to steal your food, so you can take your time eating it. - I tend to buy myself healthy snacks and then polish off the whole box like I am afraid if I don't get them all down they will be gone.  I think this is due to the fact that I have "purged" the kitchen of snacks out of my kitchen before.  I am not going to do that to myself again, so I can chill.
2.  Only eat when you are hungry.  - Ever since I was a small child I thought there would be severe consequences when you skipped a meal.  I don't know what I thought those consequences were but they would be bad.  I have learned that I can, and at times should, skip a meal and that nothing bad will happen to me.
3. Take it a step at a time.  - Just move!  You don't have to walk around the world for it to be worth taking a walk.  Sometimes just walking to the mailbox is enough.