That is what I realized as I started my walk Monday morning. I am still recovering from this latest blood clot and I am impatient to be well. I went for a walk Friday and it wore me smooth out and I still feel the soreness in my arms and legs. Not really sure why I feel it in my arms, but anyway.
So I decided that since I am going back to work next week I really need to kick it into gear and get moving. That launched me into a whirlwind of activity this week. As I sit at the computer this Friday morning I have weeded and planted 50 strawberry plants and spread 12 cubic feet of garden soil in the side garden. I weeded, mowed, tilled, raked and planted my big garden (something I haven't taken the time to do in two years so imagine. I also weeded the side planter by the house, fertilized the figlets, baked a million cookies for my husband's co-workers, baked 24 breakfast sandwiches for my husband and did the laundry. That is more than I have done in a single month prior to this injury.
As I was walking Monday I started thinking about the pain I was sure to have in my leg by taking this walk. In my career as a nurse I have said "This is going to hurt a little" so many times. But, I always have the intention of helping the patient heal when I am causing that pain. Why am I unwilling to go through the little bit of pain I expect my patients to endure so that I can heal? I need to be willing to feel the pain, and do it anyway. I think I have this week and it makes me feel great. I am starting to feel like the person I was before the first blood clot. The person that got down to 135 pounds and could run like a real runner. I want to be her again, but I can't remember her for some reason. What did she feel that helped her do those things? I need to find her, and it is going to hurt a little to bring her back. But you know what? I know I can do it, and... I am actually looking forward to it a little.
About halfway through my walk, still a long road ahead of me.
But there is beauty among the pain.
